Not About Love
by they're only words
Summary: This is not about love, 'cause I am not in love, in fact I can't stop falling out. Oneshot songfic for Fiona Apple's song, "Not About Love."


A/N-Just a little songfic for Fiona Apple's beautiful song, "Not About Love." If you've never heard it, go listen to it now. It's amazing. She's one of the best writers I've ever heard. Her lyrics are absolutely amazing. Also, the video for this song is hilarious, because it's got Zach Galafinakis in it, and he's so funny. This little story doesn't do her beautiful song justice, but it's not bad.

Disclaimer-I don't own Life with Derek or "Not About Love" nor was any copyright infringement intended.

* * *

The sunlight pricked at Casey's eyes, causing her to groan and roll over. She wasn't quite ready to wake up. She knew that she probably should though. She had to be to class soon, it was already almost 8. She could hear the early morning rush of cars outside.

_The early cars  
__Already__ are  
__Drawing deep breaths past my door_

She climbed out of bed slowly, sighing. She really didn't want to wake up; she didn't want to face the consequences of the day. She had gotten into a fight with Derek the night before. One of those ugly, screaming-at-each other fights that make no sense. He had come over and started throwing around wild accusations, saying that some friend of hers had told him that she was cheating on him. Casey had told him that it was a lie, but he wouldn't listen to her. She didn't know for sure which "friend" had told Derek those lies, but she was pretty sure it was Jamie. She had a crush on Derek, and couldn't understand why he wanted to be with Casey.

_And last night's phrases  
__Sick with lack of basis  
__Are__ still writhing on my floor_

Even though it wasn't true, she still felt guilty for some reason. It was almost as if by him believing the lies they had come true. He had called her such awful names, things that she hadn't ever heard before. She didn't think that he was capable of being so cruel. Well, that's not entirely true, he used to be very mean before they got together, but it had been much better since then. As she brushed her teeth, she couldn't help but feel dirty, like she had done something wrong.

_And it doesn't seem fair  
__That__ your wicked words should work  
__In holding me down  
__I__t doesn't seem right  
__To take information  
__Given at close range  
__For the gag  
__And the bind  
__And the ammunition round_

Actually, that's not really entirely true either. He had been nicer when they first got together, but after a month and a half, he had started to get mean again. Just in small increments, but over a period of time, it had gotten almost as bad as it had been back at their parents' house. It was almost like he lost respect for her, once she gave up on the chase. Once they were together, he was bored, and disappointed that she wasn't what he thought she was. It seemed like, once that happened, his only entertainment was to pick her apart all the time.

_Conversation once colored by esteem  
__Became dialogue as a diagram of a play for blood_

As Casey left her last class of the day and walked back to her apartment, she continued to think about her relationship with Derek. After a day away from him, she was beginning to notice things about their relationship that she had overlooked in his presence. Like, if she wanted to spend time with him, she would have to call him, because she would die waiting for him to call her. Except for when he needed something, because then he would call her up, acting all sweet, then when he got whatever he needed-clean clothes, decent food, sex, whatever-he would leave and not call her again until she was needed.

_Took a vacation, my palate got clean  
__Now__ I could taste your agenda  
__While you spit in your cud_

As she continued to think, she couldn't even really understand why everyone, including her lately, loved Derek. They treated him like a king, but what had he really done to deserve it? Playing hockey well was the only thing she could think of. It's not like he had done anything that impressive, he wasn't curing any diseases, writing beautiful literature, painting masterpieces, he really hadn't done anything worthwhile.

_And it doesn't make sense  
__I should fall for the king __craft of a meri__tless crown_

He used to complain about everything she did. She sat wrong, she talked too much, she was too emotional, on and on. But whenever she made a suggestion of how to improve his behavior, he would either ignore her or tell her to mind her own business. She didn't know why she put up with it so long. Maybe Jamie's lies were for the better, now she didn't have to deal with his crap anymore. She could find someone who appreciated her.

_What is this posture  
__I have to stare at  
__That's what he said when I'm __sittin__' up straight  
__Change the name of the game 'cause he lost  
__And he knew he was wrong but he knew it too late  
__But I'm not being fair  
__'Cause I chose to listen to that filthy mouth  
__But I'd like to choose right  
__Take all the things that I've said that he stole  
__Put '__em__ in a sack  
__Swing '__em__ over my shoulder  
__Turn on my heel  
__Step out of his sight  
__Try to live in a lovelier light_

Derek came over that night to apologize. "I shouldn't have listened to Jamie," he said. "You would never do that to me."

"You're right, I wouldn't," Casey replied, not moving from her spot on the couch.

"Cool, so, we're good, right?" Derek asked, edging towards the door.

"Well, you are good, and I'm good, but there's no 'we' anymore. I'm done with this."

"Wait, what? Just like that?"

"Yeah, just like that."

"I thought you loved me."

"I thought so too. Goodbye, Derek."

_This is not about love  
__'Cause I am not in love  
__In__ fact I cant stop falling out_

Casey lay in bed later that night, sighing. She felt lonely. She knew that breaking up with Derek was the right thing, but she still missed him for some reason. Her bed felt too big with just her in it. Being in love with Derek was different than being in love with other men. With Derek, it was almost painful, but in a good way. She missed it a little.

_This is not about love  
__'Cause I am not in love  
__In__ fact I cant stop falling out  
__I miss that stupid ache_


End file.
